He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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