It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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