his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
either way he was missing a nipple.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
