I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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