Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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