Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
