Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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