Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
