Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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