I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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