I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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