The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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