Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
