i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
