My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
