If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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