O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
pray to the hookup gods
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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