All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
