Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
