My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
