oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
