If that was your dad, he is hot
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
