tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
