I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
