I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
