Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
