I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
do nipples grow back?
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