My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
