It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
