I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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