I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
