A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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