Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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