Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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