oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
