id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
