we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
