I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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