We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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