I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
