We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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