She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
