he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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