I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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