I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
