I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
