i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
