I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize