Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
