We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
