ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
