Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
