So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
