apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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