why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm having to shit out rocks
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