Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think my fart just growled at me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
