You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
