I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
