U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
