i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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