Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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