it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
