I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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