ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
