A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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