I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
